It's Not The 1950's ... But What's The Problem?

When did love become so difficult? When did men stop opening doors for women? When did good rock n' roll love songs turn into lyrics about forgetting your boyfriend and fucking in some hotel room?

It's as if people don't even know how to approach someone anymore. Our main form of communication involves our computers and cell phones, not face-to-face interaction. Even sex has gone to web cams and sexting. At least, for now, people are still having actual sex. And that's because it's easy. It's easy to sleep with someone and mumble, "I'll text you," as you leave the next morning ... but apparently it's hard to actually get to know someone and have a relationship.

The other weekend I was home in Wisconsin, sitting in a bar, surrounded by my favorite girls. We started talking about our dating lives, which lead to a discussion on online dating. A couple of the girls had tried it and were talking about their experiences.

While they talked about the online weirdos and hellish dates they had been on, I realized how much work and effort it all was. Why? Why are people trying so hard to find love? Back in the 1950's, computers and the internet did not exist, yet people went to sock hops and shared a milkshake at the local malt shop. Apparently milkshakes were better back then, because I'm sure a lot of those dates turned into marriages ... marriages that had more than a 50 percent chance of survival. So, what happened?

The traditional values that once stood 40 years ago have gone to the shitter, we're stressed about all the wrong things and we're too damn busy. That's what happened.

I get it ... we are never going to have 1950's values again. Women go to college and work overtime, just like men. They want to excel in their careers and become "independent." When you obtain that "independence," it becomes a lifestyle and is hard to give up. Trust me. And, I don't see that ending anytime soon for women. Things have changed and women have more choices and opportunities. I don't know any man who would say to a bunch of women, "You all belong in the kitchen," (unless he has a death wish).

Secondly, maybe we'd have more successful relationships if we took more time making someone else happy instead of stressing about money, your next game of golf or if you remembered to make your weekly manicure appointment. We stress so much because of selfishness. We all want what's best for ourselves, and ourselves only. The world is full of too many selfish douchebags and bitches who are unfamiliar with the word compromise. Get out your Merriam-Webster. Look it up. Learn it. Practice it.

Then there's that whole fear of rejection bullshit. Please stop fearing rejection. You want someone, go up to them. So many people are afraid of bruising their ego, so they don't go up to the pretty girl in amazing heels, or the good-looking guy in tight jeans. If nothing else, your ego should be enhanced by your ability to go up to a hot stranger. Noah never would have ended up with Allie if he feared rejection (yes, I'm talking about The Notebook). People today are too afraid to push the limits of risk. What you never do, you'll never know. 

Ahhh, rejection could be another reason online dating has become so popular. Many people feel more comfortable behind a computer screen than sitting across from a stranger. It's also less hurtful when someone stops messaging you after a week than when someone doesn't call after a first date.

Then there's the king of all exuses ... "I'm too busy." Get over it, we're all busy. We all work long hours, then come home and work some more. Make time. Try to see someone once a week. Who knows, maybe you'll enjoy it and want to see them on a Wednesday too. Now, if you're a woman in New York City, you know this all too well. Every third guy you pass is in a band and "has no time." If you find one that will make the time and not sleep with girls in bar bathrooms ... keep him. Inspire him, he'll probably even write a song about you.

After writing all these insightful words, I've realized I was wrong. It's not love. Love is not difficult. In fact, it's quite easy. Loving someone is like breathing ... easy and essential. Relationships are difficult - like most things in life that really matter. Relationships can be tricky and messy, but at the same time, all kinds of wonderful.

Here's a a re-cap, since I know we're so busy and all:

• The 1950's are gone. 
• We stress about all the wrong things.
• We're too busy.
• We're too selfish.

Don't be afraid to share a milkshake with someone. Get to know them. The sex will be even better.

The Notebook Clip - Noah asks Allie Out