Quit Playing Games and Stop Following Rules

I remember when Billy would pull my curly, brown pigtails during math class. I turned around, and with my 11-year-old attitude, told him to stop. I would tell my mom I didn't want to wear pigtails anymore because Billy pulled them. She laughed and said he pulled my hair because he liked me, not because of the pigtails. That was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard. Why would Billy do something mean if he liked me. He should have pushed me on the swings during recess ... I would have liked that.

As the years went on, and the boys became cute and the girls became pretty, I realized that love and attraction was just a big game to many people. Somewhere, I don't know where (I like to think there's an underground tank in California), people created these "rules of love." And if you break them, well, you probably just blew it with the man/woman of your dreams.

These so-called rules and ideas are bullshit. Period.

Even when I was in high school (which wasn't that long ago), girls didn't ask guys to the prom. Girls grew up thinking it's best to wait for the man to ask them to dinner. Well, I don't think that's the way it has to be. In fact, every guy I've been involved with has started because I made the first move. Girls, what's the worst that can happen? He tells you he's not interested ... Oh well. Go home and remind yourself that it's his loss. Living your life in fear of rejection is no way to live! Neither is playing games to try to get him to notice you. Men are interested in football games ... not your games.

Don't get me wrong ... men aren't perfect angels, it's just that they don't over-analyze and scrutinize every little detail when it comes to relationships. This is why if you play games it's not going to get you anywhere. Be direct. Express how you feel and what you want. Be simple about it. If the man can't take it, then he's not for you. And men, when you find a woman who speaks her mind, and you actually agree with what she's saying ... don't let her get away.

One of my favorite groups, The Exciters, knew this in the 1960's when they came out with their first big hit, "Tell Him." They were right when they said they knew something about love. Tell him/her how you feel. Don't play games, don't wait, be that "different" one.

It comes down to this. Whether you're a man or woman, go after what you want. Men, stop pulling her pig tails to get her attention. And, women, stop agonizing over how long you should wait to text him back.

Now ... go and be the one that stands out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ah-tui1ubnU  The Exciters "Tell Him"

Dear NYC ... You Aren't Getting Rid of Me

Well, apparently I have severe allergies. I'm allergic to the New York City environment. I thought my immune system took a vacation a few months ago, but nope ... allergies.

Last night, during my typical Friday night plans, I started having this pain on the left side of my head. I felt pretty dizzy too, so of course I think it's my body telling me to go home. Then, I woke up a few hours later because of this pain and ringing in my ear. It was definitely not a hangover headache, I didn't get hit by a truck last night and adults don't usually get ear infections ... I didn't know what was wrong with me.

After sitting in bed for a few minutes, I realized I felt like I was seven years old again tugging on my ear lobe and telling my Dad how much it hurt. Great, I am one of those weird adults who gets ear infections! Since blood wasn't coming from my ear yet, I got on the train and went to a walk-in clinic. Even the nurses laughed when I said I thought I had an ear infection. I'll tell you who wasn't laughing ... the doctor. When she looked into my ear she told me she couldn't believe my eardrum hadn't ruptured. And, if that wasn't enough, she told me I had a bad sinus infection too.

That is when I received the allergy talk. As soon as I told her I never had these problems back in Wisconsin, she basically said I'm allergic to NYC. The difference in pollution, different trees, dry air, dust (and God only knows what else) in my old apartment building, etc. Oh well, I'm never leaving this place, so if that means I have to support Benadryl and the Neti Pot for the rest of my life ... so be it. I'm hoping that eventually my body will welcome this place. I want it to welcome everything but the mosquitoes. I'm hoping they recognize me as a Brooklyn resident and leave my legs alone this summer.

As much as this was another perfect opportunity for my mother to tell me I should come back to the Midwest, I'm not leaving that easily. I still have stages to dance on, people to love and writing to do.

So, give it up NYC ... I have big dreams for us.

I'll Pass on the Fancy

Fancy places are not for me ... period.

The other night I went to a party at a high-class hotel near Times Square. As soon as I walked in, I felt like I was walking through the hallways of my high school all over again. My high school didn't have fireplaces and fancy couches, but still, the feeling was the same. The girls were dressed in their best (and probably ridiculously expensive) black dresses, while the men, with their long hair, wore tight jeans. Don't get me wrong, I love black dresses and men with long hair, but I felt as if I didn't belong there.

Now, if you know me ... even a little bit, you know that I'm a down-to-earth girl. I went through my phase where I tried to impress the popular girls in school, and at some point, I did. At first I was thrilled. Then I realized that those girls only liked me because I was pretending to be just like them ... and the real me was nothing like them. Once I realized this, I found out who my true friends were and we are still friends to this day.

A decade ago, I would have walked into that hotel and tried to impress everyone. I would have tried to be like everyone else. But, as I said, I did that in high school and I didn't care for it, so I decided to just be me. I didn't have on a fancy dress and I was wearing cowboy boots that I got from Goodwill in Wisconsin, but it was me ... and that's all people are going to get.

As much as I actually did love high school, I wouldn't want to go back. The awkward stares some of the girls gave me last night were the same stares I received in the hallways. It's okay to be fancy and wear expensive clothes and still be nice to people. And, it's okay to not be fancy and not wear expensive clothes and be nice to people. How about we just be nice and smile at each other. How about we like people for who they are and not what they do or who they know. Kids, this isn't high school anymore.

From now on, I think I'll stick to my favorite little hang outs. You know, the places where the girls are cool and the guys play the air drums. Anyways, who needs fancy bathrooms and $11 beers?

Happy Birthday Little Sister

January 24 is a very special day. It comes every year, and 24 years ago my younger sister, Kimberly, was born.

I was very confused by her existence at first. When my mother went into labor and went to the hospital, I thought she left me. I wouldn't visit her and I didn't want to talk to her on the phone. I was three, and in my world, my mom was gone forever. Then, a few days later, she came home with this baby that looked like one of my dolls ... except she really cried and pooped. And, my mom said I couldn't carry my sister around the house by her legs. I guess I must have tried that once.

I may have been confused by my baby sister, but I loved her right away. Every time she cried, I would stand next to her crib and cry too. I didn't know why she was crying, but it made me sad to hear it, so I joined her.

As the years went on, and she finally stopped crying, we became best friends. We let our imaginations run wild. We created pretend friends, played with our 50 Barbie Dolls and pretended we were in a bicycle competition when we rode around the block.

Then, as we became teenagers, she borrowed my clothes, went through a phase where she copied everything I did and she actually looked up to me. Of course we fought, but we never stayed upset for more than 10 minutes. When I came home crying because of mean girls at school, Kimberly never laughed ... she always gave me a hug. And when Kimberly was having a rough day, I always made her laugh by, well, just being my goofy self.

Now that we're both grown women, a few things have changed. She doesn't copy everything I do anymore, we left our pretend friends behind and we can't play with our Barbie dolls anymore because our mother sold them in the garage sale. But, we are still best friends. And, even though she may still look up to her crazy older sister ... I look up to her now. And not just because she has surpassed me in height, but because she is an incredible woman. The world was blessed 24 years ago with an amazing daughter, sister, wife, and friend. We're pretty lucky to have her.

Oh ... there's one more thing that hasn't changed. On her wedding day, when she cried ... I cried too.

Happy Birthday Babe

My sister and I (the birthday girl is on the right).

People Are All Around ... Think About Them

There are two kinds of people in this world. The kind who think of the subway as a means of transportation to get from Point A to Point B. Then there are the people who want to know the stories behind the people sitting and standing in the train. I'm the latter kind of person.

Before moving to New York City, I had never been on a train. I had a car, and I drove everywhere. I took the highway to work, not underground tunnels. The open road is nice ... you have the outdoors to look at instead of ads for a philosophy class that is supposed to change your life. Even though you may glance at the leaves changing colors in the fall while driving, you're usually not thinking about the life of the person driving next to you. Since I don't drive anymore, and I'm not in charge of a big piece of moving machinery, I have time to think.

I started thinking about other people on the subway when I first moved here and was learning my way around. I didn't listen to music because I was afraid I'd stop paying attention and miss my stop. So, instead I started looking around at the people I was sharing the train with.

I'm glad I don't have a lot of money and live a Gossip Girl lifestyle where a driver takes you everywhere in a shiny, black limo. After a few rides you know everything you want to about your driver. But, this option does get you from Point A to Point B ... and in style. If that's all you're looking for, then you should aspire to have this means of transportation. Now, if you're one of the weirdos who's interested in people, ride the subway and study others. It's way more interesting than Anthropology 101, and there's always someone intriguing for you to wonder about.

Everyone should try this kind of thinking. You'd be amazed at what you can figure out about people. That man, dressed in a fancy suit, reading the Wall Street Journal and pushing people out of his way when it's his stop, probably does work on Wall Street. He may even work for an angry boss who explodes if an employee is three minutes late ... hence the pushing. Then there's the people with their iPods. These people are usually in a daze with a blank stare on their face which implies, "Leave me alone, I'm in my own little world." Now, I won't lie, I love my iPod, but a lot of the time I don't even have music playing. I'd rather listen to the conversations around me. It's not weird ... it's the journalist in me. And I bet most writers think like me. If not, they would have become cops. For officers, the subway is just a means of transportation that they must protect. Cops are worried about what's in your bag, not why you look sad or why you have a silly grin on your face.

Basically, I think more people should think like writers and less like cops. Maybe then random conversations on the subway wouldn't be such a rare thing.

Now, I could never go back to driving. I'll always miss the changing leaves, but thinking about the story of the person across from me is more profound. Try it sometime. And if you're one of the Blair Waldorf's or Nate Archibald's of NYC, then maybe you could get a new driver every week to keep things interesting ... or be a man/woman of the people and take the subway.

Take a Few Days Off ... Only When You Need to

I am devoting this week to staying in. I'm focusing on myself, my work and getting a few more hours of sleep each night. In the past few months, more and more events have been added to my social calender ... and this is wonderful, but with my day job (which I'm very thankful for), I needed a little break. And, this week is it.

See, in New York City, the important events happen during the week ... and on Sunday. I'm a social butterfly, so I don't like missing out and not spending time with my NYC family ... so I'm always there. Don't get me wrong, I love every minute of it, but sometimes you have to take a few days for just you. And those few days shouldn't involve 2 a.m. subway rides and whiskey.

This week, instead of putting on my heels, I'm putting on my running shoes and spending more time at the gym. When I get home, I'm not re-applying my eyeliner and lipstick, I'm writing and going to bed at a decent time. And, lastly, I'm not drinking ... no matter how much my roommates try to tempt me with red wine and Jack Daniels.

The best part about this little cleanse is that I feel great. I don't need three cups of coffee in the morning, I'm instantly in a good mood when I wake up and I'm all about doing my make up.

I'm grateful to have amazing people in my life and fabulous events to attend, but every once in a while you have to step back and spend a few days with yourself. If you don't, you might forget what you're doing it all for.

Just don't get too comfortable with these little breaks. I don't think I could if I tried. I'm already looking forward to my Friday night ... sitting on a broken bar stool at my favorite hang out, sipping my favorite whiskey and dancing the night away.

I Suck at Two Things ... Math and Love.

No one is a master at everything. We all have our down falls. Mine our math and love. And, maybe I should add patience to the list. But really, I'm the most impatient with math problems and working out love equations, so it doesn't really count ... right?

Actually, if I had more patience I wouldn't have gotten so mad at integers in 7th grade. And I probably wouldn't identify with the woman Guns N' Roses sing about in "Patience."

I'm that person who wants something, and wants it now. Whether it's a man or the perfect red lipstick. I get an idea in my head, and I must go for it. This is usually a good thing, motivational and all ... until I think it's taking me too long to accomplish what I want.

After I graduated from college I was so frustrated when I didn't get a job at a newspaper in the first three months. After I stopped constantly worrying about it, I found a job in a month. Luckily I landed the crime beat and not the business beat ... the math would have been too much for me.

And then there's the times when I think I "need" something. For instance, with every new season, I have to get new shoes. And, until I find the pair I've been envisioning, I get more impatient with each shopping trip.

Oh, and when it comes to making plans with people, I simply don't want to wait.

I know there are many reasons I moved to New York City (some of which I don't even know yet), but I think my patience level needed some help. Apparently the Midwest was more kind to my patience than NYC wants to be. When I got here six months ago, I wanted everything ... right then. I wanted a fulfilling job, a support system and a closet for all my crap. Now, I have the first two taken care of, but I'm still missing a closet. And yes, I think about it a lot.

You should have seen me when I decided to go go dance. I wanted a job right away. Well, that's not the way it works here. A good friend of mine finally told me that everyone who really wants something goes through a period where they feel they're never going to make it. She told me those are the people that will get what they want, it's just going to take time, hard work and errrrr patience. She said, "Dance wherever you go, but remember to enjoy your life at the same time." Good thing I listened. I now have my first gig in February (which you'll be hearing more about soon)!

And, when it comes to friendships and relationships in this city, you have to work hard to maintain them. Actually, sometimes you have to work hard just to get them started. Making friends has never been a problem for me. Unfortunately, successful relationships have been a bit of a struggle. And it was hard for me in Wisconsin. Here I feel like it's next to impossible.

There will always be those things in life that challenge your patience. And, that's great. I'm just now realizing that it's a good thing. Because in the end, what's meant to be yours, will be yours. If you're meant to find that perfect shade of 'vintage wine' red lipstick, you will. If you're meant to stand next to someone, you will. And, if you're meant to have a certain stage, you will (substitute stage with job for all you non-performers).

Until then, I'm going to avoid calculus problems that take up an entire notebook page and I'll keep listening to Guns N' Roses telling me to take it slow ... it'll work itself out fine.

We're Not Slow ... Just More Relaxed

It's 8:49 a.m., and yes, I'm walking fast through the subway ... I have 11 minutes to get to work. But even if I had 20 minutes to get to work, I'd still be walking fast. I always walk fast. But today, someone decided to comment on my fast-paced strut.

Once inside the train, this guy says, "Have you always lived in New York City?"

I looked up at him in his business attire and said, "Nope, I've only been here for six months." Well, that wasn't enough subway chat for him, so he asked where I'm from. With an early-morning smile I told him I'm from Wisconsin.

He laughed and said, "I thought people from the Midwest were supposed to be slow."

As the doors opened for my stop, I said, "Oh yeah, and all we eat is cheese too." Idiot!

For the millionth time, people in the Midwest aren't slow ... they are just more relaxed over there. And, this is why.

Time is precious. But in NYC it's pretty much the most fragile thing you can find. Time is the luxury that everyone wants more of. Yet, there's plenty of moments where we wish it away.

This whole 'time' thing is taking me a while to get used to. Just like the guy on the subway, a lot of people here really do think Midwesterners are slow. I'll say it again, we're not. The difference is we don't have to sit on the subway for an hour to get groceries. And there's no one-hour line in Trader Joe's to pay for your two bags of groceries.

What I'm saying is, I used to be able to get more done while I was awake ... and I didn't have to rush. This is why there's such a thing as a "New York Minute." Us New Yorkers, old and new, have very little time to get everything done. So, the faster the better. And when things like getting groceries take forever, we have to make up for that time. Time to relax is hard to come by, and if you have more than two jobs, you've probably forgot what it even feels like.

Although I'm in love with this city and I'm never leaving, I do miss being more relaxed and having more available time.

Oh well ... it's a good thing I'm a fast walker.

She works hard for what she wants ...

Push your limits. No pain, no gain. When it hurts, you're doing something right. You know all the motivational quotes that make you not want to give up. Well, don't! Because when you do, these stupid phrases repeat in your head until you feel guilty about not giving it your all.

If you really want something, you should have to work hard for it. When it comes easy, you may take it for granted ... and it may not last.

This is where people fall into two categories. The ones that don't give up, and the ones that let the struggle get the best of them. I'm pretty sure I was placed into the first category when I was six years old and started my decade-long dance competition career. Doing my best three-minute tap routine was essential. Unfortunately, I didn't always win, which left me disappointed. Luckily I had the best dad who always knew what to say to make me smile.

Children think they're invincible, so it's easy for them to go after all their desires. As you grow up and experience loss and rejection, many people stop trying ... because it's easier than more disappointment. The fear of rejection and not being your best is a strong evil - don't let it win.

Where there's a passion, there's a way. So ... don't stop running marathons just because you didn't run your first one in under four hours. Don't stop writing because one professor didn't like your style. Don't stop singing because someone booed after your first song. Patience, persistence and plain old hard work really do pay off. This is even true for that man or woman you've been after. If you want to rock someone's soul, (in addition to their world, of course) it's going to take work and patience ... especially patience.

With everything you really want to make happen in life, don't chicken out and give up. As my high school biology teacher would say, Suck it up!

I'm going to continue to think like that six-year-old tap dancer I once was. Once you find that child ambition you had, get it back and run with it. Or, write, sing, dance, love ... do whatever you desire with it.

Listen to your mother ... she could be right

It doesn't matter how old you are, your mother is going to worry about you. And now that I'm more than a two-hour drive from home, my mom is even more nervous about my well being. She did, however, come visit me in November and saw how well I'm doing, so I think it put her mind at ease ... just a little.

Even though they may fret and obsess, mothers have this intuition about their child's life, and they are usually right. For me, my mom is always right about the men in my life. She doesn't even have to meet them and she can tell if they're bad news. Five years ago I would ignore her words of wisdom because the guy dressed well or had amazing sideburns, but now I try to listen to her.

Don't get me wrong though. I make my own decisions, and I do plenty of things my mother doesn't understand. For instance, she still wants me to move back to the Midwest ... not happening. She did not support my decision to major in journalism in college, but I did anyways. And there's been men she didn't have a good feeling about, but I still went after them.

Look at me now ... I'm single. It obviously didn't last with any of these guys, but I don't regret any decisons I made (I learned a lot ... trust me). I just wish I would have tried to understand where my mother was coming from, instead of trying to prove her wrong.

I'm not saying you should stop having opinions and become your mother's puppet, I'm just saying it's okay to listen. Sometimes you have to stop trying to prove people wrong and take in another point of view. And, it might as well be your mother's and not that jealous friend of yours. 

But trust me, I still don't fully listen to all my mom's opinions. It's the sideburns ... they still get me every now and then. As for right now, let's just say she's being quite encouraging ... maybe I'm on the right track.

Let's have a toast for the weirdos

New York City is the only place where you'll be sitting in between two people on the subway and one of them is reading the Bible and whispering prayers, while the other person is rapping out loud and wearing a black jacket with "G Unit" sewed on the front with blue thread. And then there's me, stuck in the middle, tapping my cross-legged foot to Guns N' Roses.

Since I've moved here, people always ask me what I like the most about NYC. Well, this would have to be it. The fact that you can be whoever you want to be, wear whatever you desire and do what makes you happy. I did that back in Wisconsin, and I was labeled the 'odd girl that wore strange outfits and spoke her mind.' Out here I'm just another unique weirdo living amongst all sorts of weirdos.

In this city, it's acceptable (and even considered a form of art) to get up on a stage in a bar and dance in a little sequined outfit. And that's good for me, since that's what I do. You'll also find that ever fifth man you see wearing leather is probably in a band. He'll be all kinds of good looking and most likely breaking tons of hearts. Then there's subway performers, artists opening up galleries in SOHO and outrageous nightlife figures throwing over-the-top parties for all the club kids.

Once you find that group of people that you feel at home with ... you know, the ones that have seen you at your worst and still think you rock, stick with them. It's going to be those crazy kids that support you and encourage your weirdness, because that's what we do for each other.

So, unlike Kanye, who's having a toast for the scumbags, I'm raising my glass to all the weirdos.

It's a New Year ... Make Changes and Be Happy

With every New Year, people want to make changes. People vow to lose weight, exercise and over crowd the gyms for the first two weeks of January. Others make promises to pay off credit cards, save money and stop buying a new pair of shoes every week. Well, I already go to the gym, I only have one credit card and my indulgence is lipstick (which is significantly cheaper than a pair of shoes). So, I usually decide to make big changes with every New Year.

Let's go back to 2008. When I woke up on January 1, I decided it was time to end a relationship. Some people might think that's quite horrible to do to someone on New Year's Day, but trust me, this was one toxic relationship. That year, my so-called "New Years resolution" was to be happy by myself again. It worked, and it was an amazing decision.

As 2009 came, I decided to leave my job as a reporter for a small town newspaper to work in advertising. The reporting job was amazing, but I had grown out of the city, which had a population of 2,600. I moved back to my college town and formed relationships that I know will last forever. Oh, and when I ran into my high school love during the New Year's festivities, I told him how much I still cared. Well, that didn't go so well, and it's a good thing too ... I never would have fit in as a California resident!

I celebrated the beginning of 2010 by dancing with my partner in crime while wearing sequins and high heels that were made for sitting in. When I woke up the next morning with swollen feet, I realized that my job wasn't really going anywhere and I wasn't ready to do the Midwestern 'get married and start a family' thing, so I decided I was going to move. I had two choices, Chicago or New York City. I saved money like I was planning on retiring at age 28, and in April I realized that Chicago was just not in my heart. So, that left NYC. I found roommates on Craigslist and moved to Brooklyn with my two suitcases in June. Now, that was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I've found a job, met amazing people and decided to take up go go dancing.

Now, as I rang in 2011 at my favorite little hang out, I realized I'm happy and content here. That means that this year I'll be bothering as many newspaper and magazine editors as I can, I'll fight for a go go stage and I'll have fun.

Basically, it comes down to this. When you wake up on New Years Day, follow your instincts ... not the resolutions of 90 percent of the American population. And, my instincts are telling me this is going to be a great year ... even though I did wake up with candle wax in my hair. At least I didn't start my hair on fire. See … great year ahead.