Quit Playing Games and Stop Following Rules

I remember when Billy would pull my curly, brown pigtails during math class. I turned around, and with my 11-year-old attitude, told him to stop. I would tell my mom I didn't want to wear pigtails anymore because Billy pulled them. She laughed and said he pulled my hair because he liked me, not because of the pigtails. That was the stupidest thing I'd ever heard. Why would Billy do something mean if he liked me. He should have pushed me on the swings during recess ... I would have liked that.

As the years went on, and the boys became cute and the girls became pretty, I realized that love and attraction was just a big game to many people. Somewhere, I don't know where (I like to think there's an underground tank in California), people created these "rules of love." And if you break them, well, you probably just blew it with the man/woman of your dreams.

These so-called rules and ideas are bullshit. Period.

Even when I was in high school (which wasn't that long ago), girls didn't ask guys to the prom. Girls grew up thinking it's best to wait for the man to ask them to dinner. Well, I don't think that's the way it has to be. In fact, every guy I've been involved with has started because I made the first move. Girls, what's the worst that can happen? He tells you he's not interested ... Oh well. Go home and remind yourself that it's his loss. Living your life in fear of rejection is no way to live! Neither is playing games to try to get him to notice you. Men are interested in football games ... not your games.

Don't get me wrong ... men aren't perfect angels, it's just that they don't over-analyze and scrutinize every little detail when it comes to relationships. This is why if you play games it's not going to get you anywhere. Be direct. Express how you feel and what you want. Be simple about it. If the man can't take it, then he's not for you. And men, when you find a woman who speaks her mind, and you actually agree with what she's saying ... don't let her get away.

One of my favorite groups, The Exciters, knew this in the 1960's when they came out with their first big hit, "Tell Him." They were right when they said they knew something about love. Tell him/her how you feel. Don't play games, don't wait, be that "different" one.

It comes down to this. Whether you're a man or woman, go after what you want. Men, stop pulling her pig tails to get her attention. And, women, stop agonizing over how long you should wait to text him back.

Now ... go and be the one that stands out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ah-tui1ubnU  The Exciters "Tell Him"

Dear NYC ... You Aren't Getting Rid of Me

Well, apparently I have severe allergies. I'm allergic to the New York City environment. I thought my immune system took a vacation a few months ago, but nope ... allergies.

Last night, during my typical Friday night plans, I started having this pain on the left side of my head. I felt pretty dizzy too, so of course I think it's my body telling me to go home. Then, I woke up a few hours later because of this pain and ringing in my ear. It was definitely not a hangover headache, I didn't get hit by a truck last night and adults don't usually get ear infections ... I didn't know what was wrong with me.

After sitting in bed for a few minutes, I realized I felt like I was seven years old again tugging on my ear lobe and telling my Dad how much it hurt. Great, I am one of those weird adults who gets ear infections! Since blood wasn't coming from my ear yet, I got on the train and went to a walk-in clinic. Even the nurses laughed when I said I thought I had an ear infection. I'll tell you who wasn't laughing ... the doctor. When she looked into my ear she told me she couldn't believe my eardrum hadn't ruptured. And, if that wasn't enough, she told me I had a bad sinus infection too.

That is when I received the allergy talk. As soon as I told her I never had these problems back in Wisconsin, she basically said I'm allergic to NYC. The difference in pollution, different trees, dry air, dust (and God only knows what else) in my old apartment building, etc. Oh well, I'm never leaving this place, so if that means I have to support Benadryl and the Neti Pot for the rest of my life ... so be it. I'm hoping that eventually my body will welcome this place. I want it to welcome everything but the mosquitoes. I'm hoping they recognize me as a Brooklyn resident and leave my legs alone this summer.

As much as this was another perfect opportunity for my mother to tell me I should come back to the Midwest, I'm not leaving that easily. I still have stages to dance on, people to love and writing to do.

So, give it up NYC ... I have big dreams for us.

I'll Pass on the Fancy

Fancy places are not for me ... period.

The other night I went to a party at a high-class hotel near Times Square. As soon as I walked in, I felt like I was walking through the hallways of my high school all over again. My high school didn't have fireplaces and fancy couches, but still, the feeling was the same. The girls were dressed in their best (and probably ridiculously expensive) black dresses, while the men, with their long hair, wore tight jeans. Don't get me wrong, I love black dresses and men with long hair, but I felt as if I didn't belong there.

Now, if you know me ... even a little bit, you know that I'm a down-to-earth girl. I went through my phase where I tried to impress the popular girls in school, and at some point, I did. At first I was thrilled. Then I realized that those girls only liked me because I was pretending to be just like them ... and the real me was nothing like them. Once I realized this, I found out who my true friends were and we are still friends to this day.

A decade ago, I would have walked into that hotel and tried to impress everyone. I would have tried to be like everyone else. But, as I said, I did that in high school and I didn't care for it, so I decided to just be me. I didn't have on a fancy dress and I was wearing cowboy boots that I got from Goodwill in Wisconsin, but it was me ... and that's all people are going to get.

As much as I actually did love high school, I wouldn't want to go back. The awkward stares some of the girls gave me last night were the same stares I received in the hallways. It's okay to be fancy and wear expensive clothes and still be nice to people. And, it's okay to not be fancy and not wear expensive clothes and be nice to people. How about we just be nice and smile at each other. How about we like people for who they are and not what they do or who they know. Kids, this isn't high school anymore.

From now on, I think I'll stick to my favorite little hang outs. You know, the places where the girls are cool and the guys play the air drums. Anyways, who needs fancy bathrooms and $11 beers?

Happy Birthday Little Sister

January 24 is a very special day. It comes every year, and 24 years ago my younger sister, Kimberly, was born.

I was very confused by her existence at first. When my mother went into labor and went to the hospital, I thought she left me. I wouldn't visit her and I didn't want to talk to her on the phone. I was three, and in my world, my mom was gone forever. Then, a few days later, she came home with this baby that looked like one of my dolls ... except she really cried and pooped. And, my mom said I couldn't carry my sister around the house by her legs. I guess I must have tried that once.

I may have been confused by my baby sister, but I loved her right away. Every time she cried, I would stand next to her crib and cry too. I didn't know why she was crying, but it made me sad to hear it, so I joined her.

As the years went on, and she finally stopped crying, we became best friends. We let our imaginations run wild. We created pretend friends, played with our 50 Barbie Dolls and pretended we were in a bicycle competition when we rode around the block.

Then, as we became teenagers, she borrowed my clothes, went through a phase where she copied everything I did and she actually looked up to me. Of course we fought, but we never stayed upset for more than 10 minutes. When I came home crying because of mean girls at school, Kimberly never laughed ... she always gave me a hug. And when Kimberly was having a rough day, I always made her laugh by, well, just being my goofy self.

Now that we're both grown women, a few things have changed. She doesn't copy everything I do anymore, we left our pretend friends behind and we can't play with our Barbie dolls anymore because our mother sold them in the garage sale. But, we are still best friends. And, even though she may still look up to her crazy older sister ... I look up to her now. And not just because she has surpassed me in height, but because she is an incredible woman. The world was blessed 24 years ago with an amazing daughter, sister, wife, and friend. We're pretty lucky to have her.

Oh ... there's one more thing that hasn't changed. On her wedding day, when she cried ... I cried too.

Happy Birthday Babe

My sister and I (the birthday girl is on the right).

People Are All Around ... Think About Them

There are two kinds of people in this world. The kind who think of the subway as a means of transportation to get from Point A to Point B. Then there are the people who want to know the stories behind the people sitting and standing in the train. I'm the latter kind of person.

Before moving to New York City, I had never been on a train. I had a car, and I drove everywhere. I took the highway to work, not underground tunnels. The open road is nice ... you have the outdoors to look at instead of ads for a philosophy class that is supposed to change your life. Even though you may glance at the leaves changing colors in the fall while driving, you're usually not thinking about the life of the person driving next to you. Since I don't drive anymore, and I'm not in charge of a big piece of moving machinery, I have time to think.

I started thinking about other people on the subway when I first moved here and was learning my way around. I didn't listen to music because I was afraid I'd stop paying attention and miss my stop. So, instead I started looking around at the people I was sharing the train with.

I'm glad I don't have a lot of money and live a Gossip Girl lifestyle where a driver takes you everywhere in a shiny, black limo. After a few rides you know everything you want to about your driver. But, this option does get you from Point A to Point B ... and in style. If that's all you're looking for, then you should aspire to have this means of transportation. Now, if you're one of the weirdos who's interested in people, ride the subway and study others. It's way more interesting than Anthropology 101, and there's always someone intriguing for you to wonder about.

Everyone should try this kind of thinking. You'd be amazed at what you can figure out about people. That man, dressed in a fancy suit, reading the Wall Street Journal and pushing people out of his way when it's his stop, probably does work on Wall Street. He may even work for an angry boss who explodes if an employee is three minutes late ... hence the pushing. Then there's the people with their iPods. These people are usually in a daze with a blank stare on their face which implies, "Leave me alone, I'm in my own little world." Now, I won't lie, I love my iPod, but a lot of the time I don't even have music playing. I'd rather listen to the conversations around me. It's not weird ... it's the journalist in me. And I bet most writers think like me. If not, they would have become cops. For officers, the subway is just a means of transportation that they must protect. Cops are worried about what's in your bag, not why you look sad or why you have a silly grin on your face.

Basically, I think more people should think like writers and less like cops. Maybe then random conversations on the subway wouldn't be such a rare thing.

Now, I could never go back to driving. I'll always miss the changing leaves, but thinking about the story of the person across from me is more profound. Try it sometime. And if you're one of the Blair Waldorf's or Nate Archibald's of NYC, then maybe you could get a new driver every week to keep things interesting ... or be a man/woman of the people and take the subway.

Take a Few Days Off ... Only When You Need to

I am devoting this week to staying in. I'm focusing on myself, my work and getting a few more hours of sleep each night. In the past few months, more and more events have been added to my social calender ... and this is wonderful, but with my day job (which I'm very thankful for), I needed a little break. And, this week is it.

See, in New York City, the important events happen during the week ... and on Sunday. I'm a social butterfly, so I don't like missing out and not spending time with my NYC family ... so I'm always there. Don't get me wrong, I love every minute of it, but sometimes you have to take a few days for just you. And those few days shouldn't involve 2 a.m. subway rides and whiskey.

This week, instead of putting on my heels, I'm putting on my running shoes and spending more time at the gym. When I get home, I'm not re-applying my eyeliner and lipstick, I'm writing and going to bed at a decent time. And, lastly, I'm not drinking ... no matter how much my roommates try to tempt me with red wine and Jack Daniels.

The best part about this little cleanse is that I feel great. I don't need three cups of coffee in the morning, I'm instantly in a good mood when I wake up and I'm all about doing my make up.

I'm grateful to have amazing people in my life and fabulous events to attend, but every once in a while you have to step back and spend a few days with yourself. If you don't, you might forget what you're doing it all for.

Just don't get too comfortable with these little breaks. I don't think I could if I tried. I'm already looking forward to my Friday night ... sitting on a broken bar stool at my favorite hang out, sipping my favorite whiskey and dancing the night away.

I Suck at Two Things ... Math and Love.

No one is a master at everything. We all have our down falls. Mine our math and love. And, maybe I should add patience to the list. But really, I'm the most impatient with math problems and working out love equations, so it doesn't really count ... right?

Actually, if I had more patience I wouldn't have gotten so mad at integers in 7th grade. And I probably wouldn't identify with the woman Guns N' Roses sing about in "Patience."

I'm that person who wants something, and wants it now. Whether it's a man or the perfect red lipstick. I get an idea in my head, and I must go for it. This is usually a good thing, motivational and all ... until I think it's taking me too long to accomplish what I want.

After I graduated from college I was so frustrated when I didn't get a job at a newspaper in the first three months. After I stopped constantly worrying about it, I found a job in a month. Luckily I landed the crime beat and not the business beat ... the math would have been too much for me.

And then there's the times when I think I "need" something. For instance, with every new season, I have to get new shoes. And, until I find the pair I've been envisioning, I get more impatient with each shopping trip.

Oh, and when it comes to making plans with people, I simply don't want to wait.

I know there are many reasons I moved to New York City (some of which I don't even know yet), but I think my patience level needed some help. Apparently the Midwest was more kind to my patience than NYC wants to be. When I got here six months ago, I wanted everything ... right then. I wanted a fulfilling job, a support system and a closet for all my crap. Now, I have the first two taken care of, but I'm still missing a closet. And yes, I think about it a lot.

You should have seen me when I decided to go go dance. I wanted a job right away. Well, that's not the way it works here. A good friend of mine finally told me that everyone who really wants something goes through a period where they feel they're never going to make it. She told me those are the people that will get what they want, it's just going to take time, hard work and errrrr patience. She said, "Dance wherever you go, but remember to enjoy your life at the same time." Good thing I listened. I now have my first gig in February (which you'll be hearing more about soon)!

And, when it comes to friendships and relationships in this city, you have to work hard to maintain them. Actually, sometimes you have to work hard just to get them started. Making friends has never been a problem for me. Unfortunately, successful relationships have been a bit of a struggle. And it was hard for me in Wisconsin. Here I feel like it's next to impossible.

There will always be those things in life that challenge your patience. And, that's great. I'm just now realizing that it's a good thing. Because in the end, what's meant to be yours, will be yours. If you're meant to find that perfect shade of 'vintage wine' red lipstick, you will. If you're meant to stand next to someone, you will. And, if you're meant to have a certain stage, you will (substitute stage with job for all you non-performers).

Until then, I'm going to avoid calculus problems that take up an entire notebook page and I'll keep listening to Guns N' Roses telling me to take it slow ... it'll work itself out fine.