Don't Settle

When it comes to your life ... your decisions and the people in it ... don't settle. You wouldn't settle for cheap conditioner, so why settle for someone or something that's not providing you with all you need.

It was just over a year ago when I realized that my life wasn't moving in the direction I wanted it to. I was living in a great city in Wisconsin with great friends, but I felt stuck. I was in a job I didn't see going anywhere, and a lot of my friends were starting to do that settling down thing. I wasn't ready for that. I wanted more opportunities and to live in a city where independent women were admired. That's how I ended up in New York City.

I realized that if I would have stayed where I was, there was a possibility that my life would be pretty much the same when I turn 35. I wasn't about to let that happen. And, I would have never expected my life to become what it has in the past eight months. I'm so glad I didn't settle for what I was comfortable with. Sometimes you must do things that are scary in order to change your life for the better ... and not end up settling.

So, now you decided to go after that job you've always wanted or be a big brother or big sister. Good. But, please don't tell me that you're settling when it comes to relationships.

Loneliness isn't fun. Because of that, many people feel it's better to be with someone and put up with their bullshit than to be alone. Well, it's not. Why be with someone, or devote time trying to be with someone, who doesn't realize how great you are. This doesn't mean that everyone in your life has to be perfect, because that's not going to happen. Think of it this way. If you go home or to sleep at night angry or sad over someone more than you do feeling happy about them, then there's a problem.

It's time to stop having toasts for the scumbags, and leave them behind (I believe Mr. West would use the term 'runaway'). Have a toast for you ... the good hair day you're having or the new pair of heels that make your legs look great. It's alright to love yourself more than that good looking man who doesn't know what he wants. There are a lot of good looking men out there who actually know what they want. Really ... they exist ... somewhere.

And if you feel like you lost, stop it. You didn't! All you can do is be honest, open and your true self with someone. If you've done all that, you won ... they lost. You won because you decided not to settle with what they were giving you ... because it just wasn't enough. I'm not saying you should keep score, but if you want to, it would be: You - 3 points. Him/Her - 0 points. After all, love is a battlefield.

Just remember these words of wisdom. If you settle for what you're given, then you deserve what you get. That pretty much sums it up.

You're Not Better Than Her ... You're Different

Most women in this world, at one time or another, have uttered the phrase: "I'm so much better than her." And I know we all heard it in Sunday school, but I'm going to repeat it ... no one is better than anyone else. Yes, this applies to that girl who's after your man and the one who just received the promotion over you at work.

What you are is different. Don't roll your eyes at that girl and compare who is prettier or smarter, just remind yourself that you are different. You are special. If it's meant to be, the person, or people, who you want to realize your specialness ... will!

But if you fall into the "I'm better than you" trap, then you are giving into your insecurities. You're acting like those mean girls who didn't think you were good enough to jump rope with them at recess.

And trust me, men are not attracted to a woman who thinks she is better than the other four million women in New York City. But, they will notice someone who is different and special in their own way. It's time to stop comparing yourself to everyone around you.

Resist the temptation to roll your eyes at the woman flirting with the guy who's been on your mind. Be different. Ask her to jump rope with you. Well, not literally. Unless you keep a jump rope in your purse ... then go for it.

Sex and Vitamins

We've all been there. Well, maybe not all of us, but a whole lot of us. I'm talking about staying in a relationship because the sex is good. Actually, it's not just good ... it's amazing. But, no matter how great the action is between the sheets, if that's all you got, it's time to say goodbye ... to everything.

Yes, I've been there. I was with someone who I knew wasn't right for me, but I let it linger ... hoping that things would get better. Things didn't get better, obviously, and I had to say adios to the good bedroom times.

Like I said, that was a few years ago, and I still compare men to that one guy. That was the best I ever had, and I don't want it to be anymore. I want to find a new best I ever had.

This is where I'm going to compare sex with vitamins. Remember when you were younger and you took those chewable Flintstones vitamins. Those were the best. Then, as you grew older, you started taking a cream-colored pill that wasn't chewable. It didn't taste like grapes, and it wasn't shaped like Fred or Wilma. All you wanted was to have that Flintstones vitamin. But, deep down you knew it wasn't completely enough for you anymore ... even if it was more fun and tasted good.

As the years went on, you tried different brands of vitamins, but none of them compared to those Flintstones. Then, one day, gummy vitamins appeared on the shelf. You couldn't stop eying them up, and you knew you must give them a try. So, you buy them, even though you're a little worried about the $3 price difference. The next morning you take those two gummies and realize they are the best vitamins you've ever had. You might not even remember Fred. And, the best part is ... they not only taste good, they're good for you too.

So, when you find that new "best I've ever had" person, stick with them ... as long as they're good for you - all of you. If they aren't, then they're just another cream-colored vitamin. Everyone's gummy is out there. And when you find him or her, you'll know. I'm sure many of us have taken those cream-colored vitamins before finding the gummies on the top shelf.

The next time you find yourself in the vitamin aisle, think of your relationship life. If you have found your gummy, then good. Take your vitamins, go home and use up some energy. But, if not, still take your vitamins ... you will need them eventually.

Hard Work DOES Pay Off

This past week has been good to me. Well, when you think about it, everyday you're alive is a good one. So, in that case, this week has been very good to me ... emphasis on very.

As children we all had our parents tell us that hard work pays off. My mom encouraged my sister and I to practice our tap routines every night and strive for perfection. And, when I walked up on stage to receive my first place trophy, all those nights of practice made me even more proud.

Also, as children, my sister and I didn't receive $10 for every A we got on our report card. I remember at the end of the semester, my friends would tell me how much money they got. Well, of course I wanted in on that, so I asked my parents why I didn't get money for my straight A report card. I'll never forget what my mom said ... "Amanda, we are never going to give you money for good grades. You need to get good grades because it's important for you and your future ... not for money." I'm pretty sure I stormed off to my bedroom for dramatic effect, but she was right (as she usually is). When I got into the college of my choice (Go Badgers) and when I was accepted into the journalism program, all those good grades paid off.

I have learned what a lot of people sadly never learn. Hard work and persistence really does matter in the long haul. Just like you're not going to wake up one day and be able to run a marathon, you're not going to get what you really want without working for it.

When I moved to New York City eight months ago, I knew I was going to have to work extremely hard in this dog-eat-dog city. And, I have. During this very good week, I was offered a great full-time opportunity with the company I've been working with the last few months. Then, on Saturday I had my first go go audition. Although I was a little nervous about getting on top of a bar, once I was up there it was as natural as dancing in my basement back home. I didn't get a trophy, but I got the gig. Yes!

Finding a rewarding job and go go gig was not a breeze. I worked hard for both of them. And, I'm glad that's what it took. If everything just fell into place without any effort, you eventually take it for granted ... and very likely won't give it your best. Once you get what you worked hard for, you're going to do your best to keep it ... and be better at it every day.

Now, if you ever become a parent, encourage your kids to work hard. And, don't pay them for their grades. They'll thank you someday. I'm going to go call my mom now.

Yes, I'm Telling You to Stop Thinking!

It happens to the best of us. Something happens that upsets or hurts us. It may be that job you didn't land, or a friendship that ended. No matter what it is, it has you thinking.

I've spent my Monday thinking. I know how this is going to sound, but too much thinking is not good. You start analyzing things that shouldn't be analyzed. You try to dig up reasons for what happened. Look at the positive and negatives and all that crap.

Well stop. You have two options. You can keep thinking and torturing yourself, or you can use all that "thinking" energy and focus on yourself. I'm personally a big fan of option number two ... especially since I've chosen the first option many, many times in the past.

Once I stopped pouting and put my big girl panties on, I decided that Wilson Phillips was right. You really do have no one to blame for your unhappiness. You can always think of a few people you’d like to hold responsible, but no one can "force" you to feel anything. You are in charge. After that set in, I realized that I need to focus on my goals, and not get distracted.

I also realized that I haven't been taking enough time to do the things that I enjoy doing. I miss running and taking my step aerobics class (yes, people do still do step aerobics, don't make fun). And, I miss being more passionate about my dancing. So, after work I took off my boots and put on my running shoes and hit the gym. I decided to listen to one of my favorite albums ... Elvis: 30 #1 Hits. Mmmm Hmmmm, I never go wrong with Elvis. Maybe it's because he's one man that has never hurt me. I know, I know, he's dead ... but I feel like he could hurt me somehow if he really wanted to.

Anyways, after a couple of miles, I felt great. It felt good to do something that I've missed ... and something that was quite needed after Sunday. My two main food groups were beer and cheese. It was the Superbowl. The Packers were in it. The Packers won. Enough said ... but still. While running and doing a little dance with my arms to "Suspicious Minds," I thought about my dancing. I am now more determined than ever to be the best little go go girl I can be. I also thought about how thankful I am for my dancing legs ... if it wasn't for them, I think my legs would hurt after that run.

Even though I was thinking a lot during my time with the treadmill, I was thinking about me. I brought the focus back to where it should be.

“Things will change, things will go your way … if you hold on for one more day.” Oh Wilson Phillips … you said it. And, you said it well.

Blonde or Brunette ... Just Be Confident

If there's one thing I'm sick of hearing, it's that blondes have more fun. It's simple ... they don't have more fun and not all men prefer women with blonde hair. There, I said it.

Maybe it's because I live in Brooklyn, so I see all these girls on the L train with dark hair ... and I love it. Or maybe it's because I know how to have fun ... and I'm a natural dark-haired woman.

I do, however, understand that everyone has preferences. I have them. I love a head full of dark hair, but I have friends who's drool I've wiped up when a blonde guy walks past. So I get if you, as a man, honestly and truly prefer blondes.

But, I think for a lot of men, it's what they associate with blonde hair that draws them to it. It's the Marilyn Monroe star presence. The "dye your hair blonde to make it" look. And, be careful men ... that blonde girl of yours may actually be brunette at heart.

What really matters is how a woman feels when she is a blonde or a brunette. If your blonde hair makes you feel unstoppable ... then own it. But, don't simply have blonde hair to ... have blonde hair. You're not going to suddenly have more fun, and men aren't going to line up for you. If men do line up for you, it's because you have self confidence, and that's hot. It's not just the blonde hair.

Now for me, I can't imagine myself with anything but dark hair. I feel like it's more mysterious and dangerous. And, I hold my brown-haired head up with confidence. Like I said, that's what men are ultimately attracted to. Alright, they might also have a thing for dark-haired women. And it's a good thing there's some men out there that do. If not, my chances would be even more slim.

What I'm trying to say with all of this is ... girls, don't change your hair color for anyone but you. Do what you feel beautiful in. When you do that, the fun will come, and so will the men -- whether you're blonde or brunette.